Will I ever be forgiven by God?

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I feel like I am almost unforgivable in the eyes of God. I have prayed in the past, but time and time again, I sin. It is an impulse I cant control. No matter how hard I promise or push myself not to end up letting temptations win, I always fail. This makes me feel disingenuous and I feel like a traitor to god. I ask him for forgiveness for something and I end up doing the same thing again. How can I be a true, dedicated Christian if I cant muster the strength to abstain from the most basic human impulses? If I was apparently made in the image of god, why would he still give me the ability to sin if he is explicitly opposed to sin? I don't hate God, or Jesus Christ, I just feel as if I am not worthy of their love. Perhaps when God made me, he accidentally ruined something and couldn't reverse his mistake, so he just decided to not modify me any further, and let me be born as is. If that was the case, why not just scrap my form and make a new one? Is he trying to prove something to me? If so, what could I have possibly done to deserve this sinful life on Earth? The only time I ever truly believed in God was a long time ago, when I really wanted an iPod for some reason, so I would pray for it every night before I went to bed. One day, a friend decides to give me an iPod out of the blue, and never explained why he gave it to me. You could say that was coincidence, or that it was manifested by god because he thought I was worthy of a reward. Then what the fuck did I do to deserve that? I was just a dumb child back then. Did I accidentally do something irreversible to where God no longer looks at me with empathy or sympathy? Have I been a subject of spiritual rot for so long that no one from the Heavens wants to even touch me? I know God exists, but I feel like he is intentionally hiding from me. I can come up with many reasons for hiding from me, or even scoffing at me from above, but can he not at the very least find a way to subliminally divert me away from my sinful impulses? I do believe in him, and I do believe in the miracles of Jesus Christ, but even then am I still any better than a sinner? I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. Perhaps I have to find a way to appease God if simple praying apparently isn't enough for him to truly love me. Until then, I rot in the corner, empty, devoid of emotion, as the snakes of sin slither towards my hands, to guide me into misfortune, and even when I tell myself "No, I wont do it.", they will bite me when I least expect it, and the cycle will continue.

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On this day, April 30th, 81 years ago, the world lost it's last hero. Adolf Hitler, 'Der Fuhrer' of the National Socialist German Workers' Party, commited suicide in his bunker in Berlin, Germany. He was the last hope for the old world, and had his own good intentions swept away by towering shadow forces, as soviet soldiers surrounded Berlin. The Earth's last great leader, gone.

ADOLF HITLER

4-20-1889 - 4-30-1945

Also, Infowars shutdown today. (It shutdown at 9PM for us PST folks.) I am deeply saddened by the loss of perhaps one of the greatest sources of aspirational, sensational, and truthful news of the 21st century. Alex Jones and Harrison Smith have moved their opperations to a new website, although I have doubts if the success of their new website will go far. Another truth advocate, pressured and silenced by lawfare.

INFOWARS.COM

3-6-1999 - 5-1-2026