Friend? You mean like... person you enjoy being with?

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I feel as if I am incapable of accomplishing basic tasks and forming simple connections. I've stated things of a similar notion in the past, but I feel as if that did not cover the complexity of my emotions and thought process. For the longest time, I have never once been able to maintain a relationship in any capacity for longer than 10 months maximum. I always end up getting disengaged with the people who I start to call "friend" and I always end up pushing them away. Even with people as low as "aquaintance", I still insult and berate. It's a pattern I always end up repeating. I meet someone or a small group of people, we get to know eachother, I still distance myself from them occasionally, then I start to insult them "ironically", then I end up pushing them away and abandoning them, with a 50% chance that I insult them before leaving them behind forever. It's a pattern that I always end up repeating and have been repeating since CHILDHOOD. Even before I tried to make friends, I would still act hostile to quite literally everyone I came in contact with, and only stood contempt under rare circumstances. I don't know how to prevent myself from repeating the same process, as everything I've tried to do always ends up making it happen faster. It's like my mind loves to intentionally sabotage itself. I personally think that me not being able to keep relationships in any capacity is proof that I am not made for them, that I can be more successful as a walking nomad. I know that doesn't entail interaction, but I already know how to interact with people. Sure it may not extend into friendly conversation, but I do at the very least know how to make eye contact and tell someone something. There was a reason I had been so hostile to friendships for a long time, I just had not found out my proper response. Plus, the feeling of being 'untied' and 'independent' personally feels great to me. I like being able to do my own thing, which may in part be why I never really stick with friends. I don't want to do what they're doing, I want to do what I want to do and am doing, even if they don't want to. If they don't want to, fine, I can't force it, but at the same time it spirals back into the process I stated earlier, once again backing my claim that I work better as a 'walking nomad' and that independence is more desirable to me according to my thoughts, my emotions, and my overall desicion making which allows me to foster a link between my thoughts and the real world.

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You know who ELSE is a walking nomad?